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Advice for Getting Through Your First Breakup

Dating in high school is hard. If you're reading this, you probably went through something tough - heartbreak. Whether it’s your first or not, it still hurts. You may feel like you can’t get out of bed, can’t function, and you might have the “I’m going to be alone forever” thoughts going through your head. I promise it doesn’t last; you will be okay without them, and you will find someone even better. So keep reading for 6 helpful tips to begin the healing process - from a Kent Place student who’s been through it, and gotten past it.

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1. It’s going to hurt, and although it won’t last forever, it’s going to take some time to feel okay again.

There is no rush to feel okay after your breakup, and there really is no one “time frame” for your healing process. This means that everyone takes a different amount of time, so don’t compare your process to someone else’s because every relationship and every break up is different. You may be okay after a day, or it could take months; there is no right answer.

2. Dating right after is not a good idea:

Whether or not you believe it, it’s really difficult to lose feelings for someone right after a breakup, especially when you loved them. That's part of what makes break ups so difficult. There is no set amount of time before you start dating again, and there definitely is no rush to do so. A good rule of thumb is that you should wait until you don’t think about them. For example, if you still check their social media or wonder what they are doing at any given point, you may not be ready yet.

3. You don’t always get closure:

You may never get an explanation, and although I agree, it’s no fun, you can’t force the other person to explain it. Someone once told me:

“it’s their actions that speak, whether that be a real dialogue or just silence. You don’t need to open up a dialogue, you need to close the door for yourself”

So instead of focusing on them, start focusing on yourself.

4. Have a balance of distraction and let yourself be emotional:

It is super important to let yourself feel any emotions that you need to feel. Don’t force yourself to bottle it up because that will only put off the inevitable flow of emotion. But, it is also important to surround yourself with other people who care, like your friends and family, and have some fun! You need to make sure you're reminding yourself that you can be happy and enjoy yourself without them and that there are so many people who love you.

5. Self-care is everything:

Sometimes a bad breakup can take a lot out of you - you may not be as hungry, as motivated, as active, and you may have trouble sleeping. During this time right after a breakup, remember to take care of yourself, even if it’s more difficult. Do not spend too much time thinking about what your ex is up to; focus on loving yourself.

6. Lastly, here is my own personal recommendation for dealing with your emotion: music, music, music:

On a personal level, I had two playlists from Spotify that I used to deal with my breakup: one was angry, the other was sad. That way, I could sing along and feel the two different types of emotions commonly associated with a breakup. The sad playlist helped me get in touch with my emotions better, and the angry one helped me get out any underlying frustration.

Disclaimer: some songs in these playlists are marked as explicit. Please use your best judgement and be aware when listening to these songs.

Although this might be hard to hear, remember that you were okay without them before, and you will be okay without them again. This one relationship/breakup does not define your worth, you are your own person, and so many people love you. Remember that there is always something better in the future, but at the same time, when you look back at your relationship, don’t let the break up taint any happy memories you do have. There are so many ups and downs in life, and heartbreak is certainly a “down” that hurts in a completely different way - but things get better, I promise :).

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