By Jocelyn Ameo
Last week I was approached by the Head of Senate Public Relations with an exclusive interview. It was a truly enlightening look into the importance of our Senate. The transcript is as follows:
Who are you?
Well, Jocelyn, that's a very good question. Thank you.
Like really, I don't know you. What are you doing here?
What are any of us doing here? Nothing. Nothing at all. Except me, who is here to talk to you about the Senate.
So you're from Senate? Are you- are you recording me?
Yes and no.
Listen, Jocelyn, it's very simple. No one is here for any reason in particular, except for me. I'm here for a reason. I'm going to talk to you about the Kent Place Senate, and then you are going to have a reason too. You are going to listen and ask questions and then when I leave you are going to take this recording and transcribe it and then you are going to publish it in Starboard and then the people will know.
Excellent question. They will know that they should come to the Senate during Committees every other Thursday.
Okay, uhm- alright. This is fine- What-
It's very important that students attend Senate meetings. So many important, exciting ideas are discussed. We have so much fun, every time. There will be snacks. There will be discussion. Next meeting we are talking about the Dress Code. We will have munchkins, from Dunkin Donuts. You know Dunkin Donuts, right? You wanna hear about the Dress Code again, right? You'll be there, right? Jocelyn? You'll be there, and you'll bring your friends, right?
Uh- well, maybe, I don't know if I can- I'm very busy and you know…
Of course you won't. No one ever does, Jocelyn. Which is why I broke into this quiet study room you were retaking your failed math test in, and started all this. The people just don't come to Senate, and that's a real problem. We talk about real problems at Senate. We matter.
I mean, it's not that I don't want to go to Senate meetings, it's not like that!
Sure, I can believe that. Do you know the average Senate attendance this year? It's 10 people. We're supposed to have 11 Senators. Is it us? Why? We work so hard. We talk about the Dress Code, so much, just so you don't have to.
And I appreciate that, I do! It's just not easy to make the time, and I'm very busy and I mean honestly I don't know what Senate does.
Look, Jocelyn, I'll make this simple. Simpler than it already was. You had so many chances to go to Senate on your own, during committees block on Thursdays during Week B, from 2:30 to 3:30, in the Library. We asked. We pleaded. And no one ever came. So now we're making it simple. The simplest thing ever. We know. We held a meeting about it, and we decided it was the simplest thing ever. You would know that if you came to the meeting.
What are you doing? Please- no! Put that stapler down! We- Wait! [Screaming]
Senate participation is not yet mandatory. But it is strongly encouraged as always. Remember: You are not here for any reason in particular. If you don't have a reason, it doesn't make a lot of sense for you to be here at all, does it? No, it doesn't make sense at all. Look, it's very simple. Senate will give you a reason. Come to Senate. We will provide snacks. Thank you.